Students Between Rumors and Misunderstandings

Introduction:

Conflicts are a natural and unstoppable part of the life. They are an integral part of human relationships. People are constantly involved on ongoing conflicts. Therefore, children squabble over toys, young people seek for more rights, adults argue about their work, politics, safety and financial income, expenditure etc. There is a general trend that it should be held a negative attitude towards conflict. it is also formed a conviction that conflict is a “bad idea” which threatens the good relations. However, in reality conflicts are internal constraints of the society which can be negative or positive. They are positive because it helps to create new social and political systems and it also helps to build the future. They are negative when they turn in violence and the loss of control happens, therefore they go out of the positive frame and they go back to the destruction.

The students’ conflicts with each-other have taken new dimensions after 1990 due to the vigorous economical, political and social changes. Moreover, there are many factors of this transition which effect on the increase the cases of these conflicts.

Students in the Grip of Rumors

Data from this study showed that 35% of the conflicts happen because of the rumors. About 37. 7% of women are in the grip of rumors against 31. 6% of boys. The difference between boys and girls that fall prey to rumors is small, even though it is widely known that women are by nature more inclined for gossip, but it was not expected such a high percentage for boys who gossip. The values and norms of the Albanian traditional culture that cultivate Albanians the “art of silence” are weakening. During the communism time, conversations in public and within families were in danger because the regime did not allow the trade talks. There were also forbidden face to face conversations and even the large group talks. After 1990, with the freedom of speech and the mass unemployment of Albanians, the increased of their leisure time brought the old Balkan custom that of staying and chatting for a long time in the bars. These factors have increased the capacity of rumors. This old Balkan disease is clearly seen and highlighted by the many foreigners who come in Albania. “You stay a long time unemployed and all the time you stay in the bars, because there are so many bars that you can barely found in the western countries” (Klan magazine, nr425, page 19). Actually, Albanians have crossed their arms due to unemployment and not because of their genetic laziness as many of them say. We do not forget that Albanian refugees do the most difficult jobs with prolonged schedules, as for instance: in construction, jobs in agriculture, quarries etc. Moreover, before 1990s we had the opportunity to work all the foreigners who visited us had the first impression that we the people were aging prematurely, weather-beaten because of their hard physical work and their malnutrition. We have a society, which is heavily weighted by rumors, baseless accusations, slanders etc. Even the news circulating in Albania are in two sides, those who come from the information and those from the people. They talk, whisper words and the fantasy turns to reality, something that really happens, since they all talk about it.

In many social Albanian environments there is the mentality “ slander, slander because something will remain”. The politics, press and TV may accuse everybody, without any problem, for corruption, theft, immorality and no one attempts to prove wrong, or apologize for violating the personality of the individuals. It is so actual and real the Socrates’ quotes “Ignorance and envy have condemned, until now, many good people and I think that the same will happen even in the future. There is no reason that it will stop for me”… From this environment students have not escaped and they have fallen prey to rumors. Most of their free time is spent in bars.

There are to many bars around the university and the dormitories. Cafes are the centre of their world where their massive madness form the psychosis that everyone will have his/her own favorite bar and normally that do have anything else to do, but to spend many hours there by chatting and making rumors. This is their entertainment activity. Otherwise, as M. Nano states, “In cafeteria, people go to stay with others and there are said the untold stories of the others (Klan magazine, nr 425, 2005, page 19). With such a long and monotone time we can mention only Charles Baudelaire “We are forced to work, if not for fun, at least from desperation, because let’s say the truth, work is less boring than amusement (Hefner. J., 2003: 132)

The dormitory is the source of rumors, where you can hear everything that happens in the university. They spend most of their afternoons in their rooms; few of them learn the lessons systematically, whereas others enter to the rumors’ worlds to pass their free time. One student says “When I came in the first year in the dormitory, I found it strange when my roommates who were in the second or third year, knew everyone who was passing by and if one of them learned something new, she would tell it in the room. I remember once, when one of my roommates who just came said that she had seen one of my friends with a boy and started making rumors about her until the time when we discovered that he was her brother. Now, when we visit other rooms we firstly ask: “is there anything new around?

“We have the creation of a rumors’ network, where truth is not revealed in every story”-says another student. This sea of rumors devours everyone and no one can escape from it. Being a small city and a university with a very small number of students compared to Tirana, almost every student knows each others’ movements and they do not pass unnoticed and without being slandered. All around university there is such a structure within a small period of time, that consist of rumors for boys who are judged for drinking alcohol, smoke or gambling, whereas girls for their private life as going out with a boy, for the clothes they wear etc. They were asked if they had disagreements with one or other students with the following sentences, will be characterized approximately: 52. 2% of the girls and 55. 5% of the boys. “She does not say always the truth about me”. Therefore, that is the reason why many students are reserved in their behaviors due to these rumors. Look at the answer of the question: “Who will you hate mostly?” 28. 8% of the girls have chosen to the ones who reveal a secret of their private life. Fearing that this private secret may fall in the rumors’ net and it is not know how it will be transformed. Generally, girls have created their self-defense reaction, trying to keep secrets for their private life as far as possible from the others’ eyes. The process of socialization is for the society and sociology, constantly a process of loss of the personality, where the absolute individuality and the individual’s freedom is neutralized by the control and by social roles (Dahrendorf, R., 1997:. 35). As Zyhdi Dervishi, a sociologist states “Conflicts are stimulated by rumors and prejudices are less stable or ephemeral”..

Moreover, in order to reduce or to overcome these kinds of disagreements it is necessary to change or modify radically the mindset, behaviors patterns not only among youngsters, but also among other people, the family circle or beyond. They have intensive interactions within them who affect more in their socialization and in the future the conflict will be significantly reduced under the pressure of rumors and prejudices as a result of the impact of developments of in the modern and post modern profile (2005:93). The experience of urban countries show that limiting the unnecessary communication between people, the cooling system of kinship brings the reduction of rumors and prejudices.

Occasional Misunderstandings and Excessive Student Jokes

Occasional misunderstandings cover 19. 9% of the conflicts between students while excessive jokes cover 6. 5% of the conflicts. These conflicts happen due to various deficiencies in the communication process or defects in the students’ expressions in a wider context within society. It is a range of problems of different ways of expression and their pretences.

Albanians in general are people educated to not speak freely and to not express their opinions. The word kills more than the riffle, the silence is gold, etc are proverbs that in the past were so highlighted and they had too many values (Ahmet. I:1995:21). The education of Albanians since in their childhood has had problems due to the patriarchal environment where their opinions were not heard. They were said “you are too young to speak, only I know this and that…” etc and by these expressions they were suppress and prevent not to speak freely by educating them with the thought that they are wrong and they remained silenced. It is so different from the western concepts which emphasize that children should be free to talk unreservedly, to communicate with their parents, to discuss for certain topics even if they are wrong. This gives them the opportunity to create their self-esteem and to continue the communication. Due to misbalances of subculture and different language dialects that exist among provinces and many expressions or daily slang for some, may be misunderstood from other students. In the education system the lectures are separated from the seminars, therefore the lecturers explain and students are free to give any idea about the lecture. In these cases there are spoken some provocative words. Being in a heterogeneous environment there are students from various districts and different mentalities and therefore we can have minunderstandings and they bring conflicts especially to the fresh students who are not accustomed with each-other.

In general, Albanians like making jokes and in the society the funny people are more privileged and are seen as more sociable and more friendly with other people. Humour is the most powerful antidepresive mode, but it also has its negative sides. Students who want to be upon the others and when they want to make others laugh, they can pass their limit and may insult unintentionally the other students. As Erich Fromm states: The dynamism of human nature is instilled in the human’s need in order to express his willingness against the world, rather than his need to use the world (2005:65). Boys generally do not stand to be defeated in a debate or disagreement and they do not accept the victim’s role. This is the reason that they do not withdraw and they tend to bring disputes to the end.

It is known that most of the girls because of their fragile nature and the patriarchal environment, where they did not have the rights to express themselves freely so they are educated to be crestfallen and obedient to men. Men live in such environments and they decide almost everything and women just obey to them. In these familiar environments are socialized most of the students. But as stated by the famous writer Ismail Kadare, “Old Greek called immoral a prolonged irreconcilable conflict (1990:79). Therefore, students need to be flexible and they should not be tenacious in debates. It was not expected for girls in conflict such a high percentage and comparable to the boys. Probably, it is because of the stifles in the family and they can not stand this, so they express freely their inner anger within their sociable environment which is freer to stay away from their family prejudices. In the recent years Albanian girls are being educated more and more with the feeling of being equal. This maybe needs a detailed study. The vulgar way of talking and impoliteness have nothing in common with the civilization and they are not part of ethics in politicians or legislators’ communication even when they have to deal with crimes, fraud or legal violations and even when they talk or communicate with each other. (Within our environments, we feel bad when he hear the vocabulary that is used, the high tones, unethical tool of communication. It seems that we may be part of Playboy collective, who are ashamed to behave or talk about moral because they may lose their licence. Thus it is violated one of primary principles of the universal social morality “the moral example and the example of the moral (Kabo. P;2006:208).

This patriarchal and or uncommunicative mentality is so visible even in the answers of the question: What do you prefer more in debates? 74% of girls and 66. 4% of boys declare to argue about their original idea.

Conclusions

To conclude, we can say that factors such as misunderstandings and rumors are the main factors for students’ conflicts with each other, despite the transition that the society is going through. It is needed to educate a generation that should be more flexible, more tolerant and communicative with each-other. Undoubtedly, it is not easy, but it is needed to start making a change in the concept of educating youngsters in their family and in school. Making a merger and combination of forces in our education system, may be it will be firstly appear the new beginnings of a peaceful and communicative environment. Certainly, this is not easy in this suffocating and conflicting environment.

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